I am relieved to be able to write that the biopsy on my lymph node was negative...no cancer there....what a blessing! I was so happy for a few minutes thinking that now I would only need six weeks of radiation treatment and something to deal with the hormones that were feeding the cancer I had. Then the oncologist broke my happy bubble and told me that I may very well need chemotherapy after all. To say I'm not happy about this is putting it mildly. It's not just the months of feeling lousy; it's also the long-term effects that it could have. Will I be trading one illness for another? Who knows...
Fortunately, there is a new test for people with my type of breast cancer called Oncotype DX. They take a sample of the tumor and do a molecular study of it that can give some indication as to the chance of recurrence. I'm hoping that I have a very low number so that the doctor will think it's pointless to do chemo. Either way, I'm praying that the dear Lord will make whatever I'm supposed to do clear.
All the interruptions in my life is also affecting my prayer life. I've had myself in a routine and when I have early morning doctor appointments to deal with, it starts my day out all wrong. I had medical appointments on the last four days. Michael had an appointment on Monday with a cardiologist that turned out well; I had my bone scan and CT scan on Tuesday; John had an orthodontic appointment yesterday; I had my PET scan today. Monday I missed my morning prayer time because our alarm clock didn't go off and we woke up 35 minutes before it was time to leave for his 7:45 appointment. But fortunately, I did better the last three days and it always makes such a difference in the way my day goes.
For the most part, I have done well with handling it all emotionally but last Friday was a bad day. I have to admit I let myself get into a self-pity mode and cried a lot. Part of it is just all the changes in my life because of the disease and the feeling that I've lost control of my days. Friday night Mark and I went to Adoration for an hour and a half and what a difference it made! By the end of our time there, I had calmed down again and was feeling better about things. I'm really striving to trust our dear Lord with my life, but I do have moments of just plain feeling scared and sad.
On Tuesday, they had problems with my IV and ended up infiltrating me. By midafternoon, my arm was swelling up and then my hand starting getting numb and tingling. I called my doctor who told me to go to the ER. Poor Michael drove me there; he was more nervous than I was but I had heard some horror stories about infiltration and it's a bit unnerving to feel your skin getting tighter and tighter. Fortunately, a steroid shot helped a lot and by Wednesday afternoon, it was much better. I laughingly told the nurse who called me the next day that my tests might kill me before the cancer!
With three tests this week and my oncotype DX, I'm back to waiting for results again. I have an appointment with my oncologist next Thursday and I'm wondering if she will make me wait until then for the results. I know she won't want to tell me anything until she has all the results and with the holiday weekend, I'm not sure when that will be. I'm trying not to think about it too much but it's not always easy. I was laying on the table, going through the PET scan this morning, praying and hoping that nothing shows up...a strange feeling.
It is nice to think that I have no doctor appointments for a whole week....Yay!!! Tomorrow is our last day of school and I'm going to strive to just enjoy the long weekend and having some normal days. I'm also looking online for a place for Mark and I to go on vacation when my treatment is over. I'm really hoping that I just need radiation which means we could go on vacation in September. A week at the beach with my darlin' husband would be wonderful. If I need chemo, it might not happen. The earliest I would be able to finish my treatments in that case would be late November and I love the holidays so much that I wouldn't want to go then. I'll just have to put it all in His hands.
Jesus, I trust in You..
Thank you again, everyone, for your prayers...they mean so much to me. I hope and pray that all of you are having a blessed Thursday.