Battling the Blues

As I wrote yesterday, I am battling the blues again.
It seems to come up on me every year at this time and usually lasts for several months. I haven't figured out why. It makes no sense. I love the springtime and am tired of winter, so you would think I should be happy. School is winding down to our summer pace and yet this heaviness of heart weighs me down at every turn. I am usually at my best in the evening when Mark is home, but the mornings and afternoons are awful. I have to force myself to do everything.
I haven't been writing because I've been in this funk, but then I thought that perhaps writing about it would help me and hardly anyone reads this any more, so I won't be dragging too many others with me.
I do miss those old Xanga days....
Everyone is on Facebook, but it's just not the same.
It's amazing how every time I feel like this, I cry at every little thing. Drives me crazy...
On Monday, I thought that Will would be coming on Tuesday to teach Michael bass and John, piano, so I went out and spent part of the afternoon shopping for his birthday present. I was really happy about being able to give it to him so close to his birthday because I rarely get to see him on his actual birthday or anywhere close to it. Tuesday afternoon I dug out the boxes and the wrapping paper and had them all ready. Then he called to tell me he couldn't come. It took everything in me not to cry while I was talking to him. Silly, I know. I still haven't seen him and the presents are waiting on our dining room buffet where I don't have to look at them much....
Three weeks ago, one of the men from our parish died suddenly from a heart attack (he was out playing golf). I have known him and his family since I was a little girl (we belong to the parish I grew up in) and the boys and I went to his funeral. It was packed and I never had a chance to talk to his wife because there were so many people there. She's a real sweetheart....
Anyway, last Sunday at Mass, she was in the pew ahead of ours and when she turned around for the sign of peace, I saw her face and the grief in her eyes just overwhelmed me. I stood there silently crying in church. The memory of it is bringing tears to my eyes now....I know that this was a legitimate reason to cry, but I really wish I could have not stood there with tears running down my face at Mass.
I hate when I can't stop the tears...

I am thankful that I do have moments when I feel happy. Last night was the homeschool graduation and even though we don't have anyone graduating, we usually go. We know most of the people there and it's always a good chance to talk and socialize afterwards also. The Mass was beautiful.....they had a choir from one of the local parishes sing and they were wonderful. The closing song was the Hallelujah Chorus and it was awesome...
Our friend Paul gave the commencement speech and did an excellent job and everyone was telling him that he should have given the address at Notre Dame instead of Obama...hehe...
So for a few hours, my heart was lifted and I was happy and I am grateful for those reprieves.
I know that this too shall pass and so I'm finding myself trying to offer it up at every turn and pray that it will do some good, somewhere.
I know I need to get back to my spiritual reading. I have been caught up in reading too much depressing news about our world and other things and I haven't spent enough time reading things to nurture my soul. So I need to get back to that. I know it does me good.

Thanks for reading....a blessed Friday to all....