That friend of Beth's birthmother who contacted me last year after googling my name and getting my email address off a Caring Bridge site I had left a message on, is bugging me again. Obviously she didn't get the message last year that the decision to have a relationship with her birthmother is Beth's choice and that trying to guilt-trip us is counterproductive.
She sent me an email on Sunday morning and wanted to come visit us either Sunday afternoon or this coming weekend. (She lives a 2 hour drive away from us.) She wants to talk to Mark and me. Last year, she kept trying to tell me how healing it would be for Beth's birthmother and all of her family and friends if Beth would just reach out to her. She also tried to impress me with her own personal credentials. This woman is a lawyer and she sent me a link to her business website; she also sent me a link to some website that showed she had won some honors; and then she also sent me pictures of herself, her husband, and her two sons on their Caribbean Christmas vacation. She doesn't realize that made no great impression on me or Beth. I tried to explain to her in a charitable way then, our feelings and Beth's feelings, but she doesn't seem to get it.
It actually all has the exact opposite effect. It makes Beth even more nervous about the thought of a relationship with any of these people. Who wants to feel that they're in charge of a whole group of strangers' healing? She's afraid that it would be an awkward, demanding, complicated relationship and she really doesn't want that now.
I do write to Beth's birthmother; I do send pictures. She knows where Beth has gone to college; where we live; I sent her a link to the college soccer website so that she could keep up with Beth's team and personal accomplishments. She can see that she's happy and well. Maybe someday Beth will want a relationship with her, but I think it has to be Beth's choice and I'm not going to try to push her into it, and I really don't appreciate this woman trying to push me to do so.
So I guess I'm going to have to be more forceful in my reply this time. I've waited several days to reply to give myself time to calm down, but I realize that some people just don't seem to want to take no for an answer. She thinks that her feelings are more important than Beth's. She wrote that she will respect my decision but obviously she doesn't because she told me the same thing the last time she wrote, and here she is writing again.
So please say a prayer for me that I do this well.....
A blessed day to you all....
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